When you assume it makes an ASS out of U and ME…but mostly you. I went to a BBQ this weekend and brought my best, single, male friend with me; he is very grown up and there was no babysitting needed with him so I was able to network and make new friends. At the end we were leaving and saying goodbye to a group of 4 and one of the ladies that I am an acquaintance with pointed to me and my male friend asking us in a very awkward way if we were, you know, she wouldn’t say it but she is still pointing at both of us and making that face right before you ask a question that you really shouldn’t, then says again, “Are you two…” Fornicating? No, I didn’t say that, I finished her question with “in an exclusive intimate relationship?” She clearly didn’t know me at all but felt relieved when I answered her question with a ‘no’. perhaps she was interested in one of us whatever the case was, we left and the conversation went on about how people like to assume. I remember writing a Facebook status asking if men and women could be friends but apparently when you walk in with the opposite sex that is not the case and automatically you are a +1, with kids, perhaps a dog, maybe a cat and for sure a gold-fish.
To assume anything can be dangerous and embarrassing and means that people believe things to be a certain way based on what they think it would be in their world. I would hate to see what she would assume if I walked in with 2 of my single guy friends! Ha! But there I go assuming. People that assume think they are correct when really they have no concrete evidence that it is true and if nothing is said, or there is no further research done could potentially lead to major story telling and the game of ‘telephone’ (which a message is passed on, in a whisper, by each of a various number of people, so that the final version of the message is usually distorted from the original – therefore creating a rumour) if they have a big mouth and a megaphone and then that could be damaging as the stories that go around get recycled by people who listen to hearsay. It just blows me away that just because you walk in with someone of the opposite sex, not even holding hands or showing any kind of affection that would give people the idea that you were together exclusively. So I asked her, why would you assume that we were and she said (and I’m not kidding) she said, “Because you walked in together.” It’s not like he carried me over the threshold LOL! Or when people get upset and assume that you’re just being rude for not replying to a message. MAYBE THEY ARE BUSY AND WILL GET BACK TO YOU WHEN THEY ARE AVAILABLE. And if you think someone is being rude or isn’t interested…. then why would you want to be involved with a rude person anyways? LOL PATIENCE my little glasshoppa…now that topic is for another day.
One of the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz (which I highly, highly recommend and is one of my very first and most favourite authors that helped me begin my spiritual journey in 1997) is DON’T ASSUME. Very simple. What the curious lady could have asked is simply how we know each other. So this is just one example that I have shared with you and there are many more but the point of this is that in any kind of situation where you find yourself thinking you know it all and assuming you do is to ask yourself these questions: Why am I assuming this? Do I have concrete evidence? And unless you are an entertainment columnist that is trying to make the front cover of some trashy entertainment magazine, who cares? The best thing to do is to keep your mouth shut and go straight to the source and ask. And whether or not your assumption has been confirmed true, still the best thing you to do is to keep your mouth shut. Other people’s lives are not up for discussion because it’s no one else’s business but theirs. And remember, when someone is bad mouthing other people you can bet that they are doing the same thing behind your back. Be very careful of those people and keep your distance. Danger! Danger!
Below are the four agreements I live by and honour. When you are able to practice only these 4 simple agreements that you make to yourself your life with transform and so will the people around you. Be aware of the conditioning you have been through and release those habits.
The Four Agreements are:
1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your Best Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
Please, quit assuming things. Thank you.